Merry Christmas!

I'm sitting here in my room trying to be very very quiet. I'm being nice and letting my parents sleep a little bit.

I already know this will be the best Christmas ever. Just with my dad being here. I can't wait to give him his presents. One in particular. I can't wait to give mom her presents. And the ginormous 26lb box has just been screaming "open me!" For like three weeks. He's excited for us to open our stuff and I know he's a very good gift giver. So. Woo! But even without those presents the past few days have been amazing.

We might end up going to the beach today. Just to rub it in to everyone up north. Haha. We actually stopped the other day after dinner. Watched the sunset. It was very nice and quiet and peaceful. We found a sand Christmas tree with shell decorations and presents of horseshoe crabs.

My mom is the happiest I've seen her in a long time. I caught them holding hands a few times. Well, I can't really say caught. It's not like they were trying to hide it. It was sweet. Kind of weird because I'm not used to that. But it seemed normal like they haven't been apart for over 23 years.

I'm not going to jinx anything there. Anyone who has been following this saga knows it's like a hallmark movie. Hallmark movies always have a good ending.

Well, I made it to 5:30am. I think I'll start to get ready for the day... Very quietly... And impatiently wait for my parents to wake up.

Surprise!

He's here!! My dad flew in for Christmas! They kept it a surprise!... For the most part. I figured it out before he got here though. Haha.

How could I figure it out you ask? Everyone at work did such a good job keeping it a secret. Well here's a few of the clues I picked up on.

-roast thawing in the fridge. Ok 2 ppl can't eat all of that, plus we specifically bought that to make spicy pulled pork when he did come down (think that happened tues...)
- extra soda in the fridge. Even if we have a get together Saturday that doesn't mean we have the fridge filled Thursday or earlier with 12 cans...
-mom was all perky and peppy before her second cup of coffee.
- dressed in a cute jean skirt and asked me how her hair looked. Asked her where she was goin all fancy. "To pick up a man"
- then of course the FaceTime thing. When he first suggested that I was like ok cool... But what about the wifi? He didn't have wifi.

Of course the biggest hint was me stalking his Facebook and seeing that his friend told him to have a good trip down south. Heh.

I was very good pretending that I knew nothing. Until I got home. By then I was just smiling too much and couldn't hide that.

But I am just so excited. (In fact I thought of doing the Kristin wiig surprise skit when I walked in the door...)


But just think. This is the first Christmas I get so spend with my dad. AHH!

His mom opened her presents from us last night I guess. She liked my Xmas balls. No doubt in my mind she would like them but its still nice to hear that confirmation.

Well that's it for now. More to come I'm sure!!

Handmade Christmas Gifts

I don't recall if I talked about my Christmas ornaments last year. I originally got the idea through one of my twitter peeps Caroline, aka @familystories. She's awesome with the genealogy crafty stuff. Here is the link to her tutorial.

I decided I wanted to try to make some. Just for my grandparents at first. I found old photos of their parents. I made them two each, one photo on each Christmas ball.

Mildred & Lewis Bieda

Then I decided to make one for my aunt and Uncle.
Last year my friend and coworker got married and I picked her name for secret santa. Actually, today is her anniversary. I had so much fun making the ornaments for my family, I figured I'd do the same for her.

The gifts went over so well that I decided I would make more for my grandparents. And when I found out my cousin was getting married, I made up my mind to make some for her.

I look just adorable in my blue dress...

Can you tell the pics were taken at the same time?

I had a reason for choosing these particular pictures. The whole meeting my dad and other grandma thing. I didn't want them to feel left out or that I was abandoning them for a new family. I dunno if that makes sense but hey.

For my cousin and her hubby...

I made them two balls, two pictures on each. One with the first dance pictures, and one with pictures outside the church.

Decided to make one for my uncle too. One ball, four pictures.

 I also made ornaments for someone else. But because its not Christmas yet, they haven't seen them and I can't post those pictures. ;)

Ok well I can post this one...

The blue one is actually pictured above. The one with my Busia and I.

Hobbitses

Well I'm just sitting here waiting for the hobbit to start. I have an hour to go and no one is here. Ok I think there's 2 other people in the theater. Whatever. I'm excited. I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow but I don't care.

- I'm feeling better since my last post. That same day actually. I was just moody I think. But I had to get it out there anyway.

-I've been slowly working on my tree. I had to delete a large branch. Which sucked. The people are still in my ancestry.com tree somehow and I still get hints on them. It shows me there's no relationship path. Yet I still get hints. Mmm Kay. But anyway idk if I wrote about those people. They're on my dads side. I just kinda went with the hints I was getting. That's how they ended up there. It was before I met my grandma so now I know the real ppl I had to put in there.

- I'll talk about those people eventually I guess. We'll see.

- oh did I mention my dad and I are going to FaceTime Xmas morning? I think I did. That will be fun. I can't wait!

-I'm just rambling now. I only wasted 7 minutes. A few more people trickled in. Think we have a total of  7 people in here now lol.

Anger

*note* Part of this post might be fueled by female hormonal stuff that involved hatred of all men.

I've said before that I'm not angry at my dad for not being there. Mostly I'm not. But deep down there's this little person inside that likes to remind me of the little things that I usually do not dwell on. She is a angry and jealous little person. And she's itching to get out this morning. I don't know if writing will help me feel better or if it will make my day worse. Its rather early and I should be getting ready for work.

When I was younger I had some feelings of anger towards him. Rightly so. Towards the end of the year there was usually a school project that involved Father's day. I had to do the stupid little craft. Had no one to give it to. Kids occasionally asked and I had to explain I don't have a dad. They would say well you have to have one and I would say well I don't. Then all of the kids had both parents at their sports games. I had my mom and grandparents. And that was fine. But he should've been there..

He should've been at my art shows. My graduations. Sports games. Should've been there while I was getting ready for Homecoming and Prom. He should've been there when I was sick. Should've been there on birthdays and Christmases. He should've been there. He should've had to deal with little kid temper tantrums and teenage drama. He should've been there when I was growing up. He wasn't. I didn't have the chance to be the cliche "daddy's girl".

I know he regrets not being there. As he should. I was fine with that.

Last night I was... not facebook stalking... How about we call it research. Yes. Research. I was just going through some of his pictures and saw him and a woman standing outside of a baseball... whats it called... stadium? (See I would have all this technical crap down if he was there to teach it to me) Anyway I looked at it and just instantly felt... probably closer to annoyance and jealousy than anger. I mean, why is he there with that woman? I dunno who she is. Could be a friend. Cousin. Girlfriend. Whatever. My thought is why is he there with her. It should be my mom and I. He should've taken ME to games. I don't like sports that much  but if he was around I might.

When we met for the first time and we were talking he mentioned (briefly) about going to some game of his (ex) girlfriend's kid. Ok so he dated someone with a kid... but didn't want to deal with me? I felt that stab immediately but hid it. I doubt he realizes that stuck with me.

The other day I was in Hallmark looking for Christmas cards. I got one for mom and grandparents... Then I looked at the "dad" and "grandma" section. I couldn't find anything that worked for me. They all said something to the effect "you've always been there for me" "wonderful dad" "when I was little". None of the cards applied to my situation. I had to get generalized cards for these people because they were never there until now.

I have similar feelings, perhaps on a smaller scale, towards his parents. His father is gone but his mother isn't. I had one set of grandparents. I should've had two.

I am thrilled that we're building a relationship after all of these years. Excited that we're going to FaceTime on Christmas morning.That he has plane tickets and he and my mom won't tell me so it will be a surprise. But I can't help feeling like this. It's normal I guess. I haven't talked to anyone who has been in a similar situation.

Clearly I have to figure out all of these feelings. That's just a taste of what I'm dealing with and thinking about this morning. I know I'll have to deal with it eventually. Both of us will. I also know nothing will change the past. You can't go back. What good would it even be to bring all of this up?

This is where I'm stopping for today. Must get ready for work. I know this isn't very organized but it's how my mind is flowing at the moment.

Until next time.

The rest of the story... for now

I've been neglecting my blogging duties. I apologize. I've been busy and distracted and yadda yadda...

So where did I leave off? oh yes the necklace. That was a Friday.

The next day I was feeling very blah. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to see my dad again before we left on Sunday. The original plan for that day was for me to go out with my mom, uncle, and little cousin. I was going to take fall pictures with pumpkins and all that kind of stuff. After that there would be a festival, a restaurant, and a Halloween fest with my best friend. Well, the first didn't happen, and I was even more bummed out. Having free time and doing nothing, but knowing that later on would be busy and I couldn't spend more time with my dad.

Later on I got to thinking. I decided to ask my bff if she would mind if I asked him to come with us at the Halloween thing at Knoebels. Of course she had no problem with it. After all, I've kept her up to date on everything. From the minute I found out about him she was googling stuff just like I was. She's the one that called me after midnight to say she found him on facebook.

So I sent him a text and in less than two minutes he replied saying yes. We met up around 8:30 and went on a few rides. It was weird but normal I guess. I mean, most kids take it for granted when they're at a park riding rides with their dad. Me? I was thinking huh... this is different... this is new... It was fun though. And cold. Not used to the whole... cold weather thing.

The park closed around 10, and with the lines and everything we only managed three rides. So we were standing around awkwardly and he said sooo what are you doing after this? (did I mention he said that the other two times we met up?) we had no plans so we decided to go to a bar. Just talked about random things. He said he wished he could see us off at the airport which was just... I dunno what word to use. lol. it meant a lot. When we got ready to leave he gave me a big hug. I got into the car with my friend and she drove back to my grandparents house.

Now I was ready to cry anyway. I was barely holding it together. I got out of my friends car and wasn't even to the door when my phone went "bing!" and it was a text. I read the text and just... lost it. It was very sweet. Actually an understatement. lol. That message (and the others that followed) just meant so much. He said he loved me. I don't know if I wasn't expecting that, or if it was all the emotions or what but... it was an amazing feeling. I can't even describe it. Anyway, I walked into the guest room and my mom saw me and I couldn't even talk I just shoved the phone at her. I cried, and she cried. Lots of female emotions going on lol.

Next day we were getting ready to leave. Emotional again. Between me crying and her crying and trying to hide it from my grandparents... sheesh.

Gonna try to speed up the story. lol. I told my Busia about this whole thing the day after we got back. Surprisingly she was happy about all of it. I dunno why I was so freaked out. She told my grandpa and I guess he's cool with it too. And apparently my Busia told all of Elysburg. Or a few people. and you all know about gossip in a small town. After I told her I told my aunt and had her crying. Everyone we told this story to has cried and compared it to a hallmark or lifetime movie. People at work couldn't wait to hear how everything went.

My dad and I are still talking on twitter and facebook (he requested us!), and text. He has tickets to come down to visit, but I'm not allowed to know when. He and mom are conspiring. Isn't that weird? It's like what normal parents do. Plan a surprise for their kid.

I don't know how everything is going to work out but it has been amazing so far. I'm working on some projects right now. Some super sneaky Christmas gifts. Homemade of course, some similar to last years. I'll post pictures later. Can't give anything away yet.

Ok peeps, that's it for now. I'll try to post again later this week.

Two years!

Holy cow! So much has happened in the past year! Some really really good things. Just to list a few...

- Wall Street Journal Article
- Free Geni stuff

-... What was that other thing... Oh yes. Learning about my dad, being able to plug whole other side of my tree and see it light up with hints. Most importantly meet and spend time with my dad. Everything is changing for the better. I'm sure of it.

- So what is next for the year ahead? No flipping clue. Hah! Obviously I'd like to explore more of my dad's side. I've learned a lot so far and I will do a few posts on that soon enough. I'll keep looking for any new or interesting info on my mom's side of course. As you all know genealogy never ends. It's just that I have so much to find out about the other ancestors.

- Next year I hope to visit more cemeteries. I only went to one this year. I'd like to find out more about my ancestry.com DNA results. Find some more cousins. Get someone to comment on my blog.

- Who knows what will happen in the next year. But I am almost certain it will be good. I can't imagine it otherwise. Until next time peeps!