Saturday, December 29, 2012

Holiday Recap

We took down our Christmas decorations today. It looks pretty depressing around here. I thought I'd write about the happier things from the past week.

So my dad was here for a week and it was beyond awesome. It was awkward at first but that didn't last long. We went to parks and restaurants.Or just stayed home and relaxed. In the evenings we just sat on the couch. No tv or anything. It was lovely.

One evening we went to the beach to watch the sunset. He and I walked one way, my mom walked another. Our alone time I guess. I mostly listened to what he had to say. I know it was hard for him. I didn't really have questions for him. He basically said that he doesn't have a good reason for not being there. I accept that. I know he wasn't ready for my awesomeness back then. I'm ok with that now. I have my moments of course but I do understand. I'm just glad that he's involved now. Can't live in the past. I found a shell while we were walking. I decided to give it to him the night before he left.

We were like a normal family for a week. Like my mom would be cooking, he washed dishes, and I dried. It was... normal. Hung out on the couch. Parents held hands. Normal. It was so normal that it was weird. Because it shouldn't be normal.

Christmas was lovely of course. We didn't get started until 7:30... later than I would've liked but thats ok. All of the gifts were wonderful. I'll break it down to the most... meaningful ones.
So my mom and I decided a while ago to make a photo album for my dad. Pictures of me from when I was a baby until now. It went over very well I must say. He looked through it at least four times that day. And I know he's shared it with his mom and sister.

Later he and I were talking and I mentioned that his album didn't include the rejects. The blurry, unfocused, and down right bad pictures. He said he still wanted to see them. So he and I sat up in the guest room looking through photo albums. I might have to end up making more copies of photos to send to him.

Now for my mom, she was just completely gone when she opened her gift. Here's the back story. She used to collect music boxes about 24 years ago. When they were together he got her a music box with a carousel horse in a snow globe. Since then most of her music boxes smashed, but that one might be packed away at my Busia's house. Flash forward. She didn't even get the box completely open and she lost it. It was a music box. Carousel horse inside a snow globe. He remembered. It was the sweetest thing ever!

My turn! Ok so everything else was opened and he gave me another Christmas card. A sappy one this time. I sat on the couch conveniently next to a stocking. I finish reading the card and he says "oh I think you forgot something in your stocking". I'm thinking oh boy here we go. So I reach in and its a small box. Once again I'm thinking oh boy here we go again, its another small box. So I mentally prepare myself. He bought me earrings. I found out there's a story to this as well. The first Christmas my parent's spent together he gave my mom a pair of earrings. First Christmas I spend with him? I get earrings. Just makes it even more special I guess.

His last day was Wednesday. He and I spent the day together. That evening was the most emotional of all. The three of us were all just snuggled on the couch for a few hours. He called me his baby girl. Then he called my mom his Baby Mamma. (It's been a joke for a little while) It was bittersweet.

He says he will be back as soon as he can. I don't doubt that. I can't wait to see him again.

Friday, December 28, 2012

All good things...

Well, my dad left yesterday. It sucks but I know he will be back as soon as he can.

I don't have much time this morning but I did want to post these two things.

This has been the best Christmas ever!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas!

I'm sitting here in my room trying to be very very quiet. I'm being nice and letting my parents sleep a little bit.

I already know this will be the best Christmas ever. Just with my dad being here. I can't wait to give him his presents. One in particular. I can't wait to give mom her presents. And the ginormous 26lb box has just been screaming "open me!" For like three weeks. He's excited for us to open our stuff and I know he's a very good gift giver. So. Woo! But even without those presents the past few days have been amazing.

We might end up going to the beach today. Just to rub it in to everyone up north. Haha. We actually stopped the other day after dinner. Watched the sunset. It was very nice and quiet and peaceful. We found a sand Christmas tree with shell decorations and presents of horseshoe crabs.

My mom is the happiest I've seen her in a long time. I caught them holding hands a few times. Well, I can't really say caught. It's not like they were trying to hide it. It was sweet. Kind of weird because I'm not used to that. But it seemed normal like they haven't been apart for over 23 years.

I'm not going to jinx anything there. Anyone who has been following this saga knows it's like a hallmark movie. Hallmark movies always have a good ending.

Well, I made it to 5:30am. I think I'll start to get ready for the day... Very quietly... And impatiently wait for my parents to wake up.

Friday, December 21, 2012


He's here!! My dad flew in for Christmas! They kept it a surprise!... For the most part. I figured it out before he got here though. Haha.

How could I figure it out you ask? Everyone at work did such a good job keeping it a secret. Well here's a few of the clues I picked up on.

-roast thawing in the fridge. Ok 2 ppl can't eat all of that, plus we specifically bought that to make spicy pulled pork when he did come down (think that happened tues...)
- extra soda in the fridge. Even if we have a get together Saturday that doesn't mean we have the fridge filled Thursday or earlier with 12 cans...
-mom was all perky and peppy before her second cup of coffee.
- dressed in a cute jean skirt and asked me how her hair looked. Asked her where she was goin all fancy. "To pick up a man"
- then of course the FaceTime thing. When he first suggested that I was like ok cool... But what about the wifi? He didn't have wifi.

Of course the biggest hint was me stalking his Facebook and seeing that his friend told him to have a good trip down south. Heh.

I was very good pretending that I knew nothing. Until I got home. By then I was just smiling too much and couldn't hide that.

But I am just so excited. (In fact I thought of doing the Kristin wiig surprise skit when I walked in the door...)

But just think. This is the first Christmas I get so spend with my dad. AHH!

His mom opened her presents from us last night I guess. She liked my Xmas balls. No doubt in my mind she would like them but its still nice to hear that confirmation.

Well that's it for now. More to come I'm sure!!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Handmade Christmas Gifts

I don't recall if I talked about my Christmas ornaments last year. I originally got the idea through one of my twitter peeps Caroline, aka @familystories. She's awesome with the genealogy crafty stuff. Here is the link to her tutorial.

I decided I wanted to try to make some. Just for my grandparents at first. I found old photos of their parents. I made them two each, one photo on each Christmas ball.

Mildred & Lewis Bieda

Then I decided to make one for my aunt and Uncle.
Last year my friend and coworker got married and I picked her name for secret santa. Actually, today is her anniversary. I had so much fun making the ornaments for my family, I figured I'd do the same for her.

The gifts went over so well that I decided I would make more for my grandparents. And when I found out my cousin was getting married, I made up my mind to make some for her.

I look just adorable in my blue dress...

Can you tell the pics were taken at the same time?
I had a reason for choosing these particular pictures. The whole meeting my dad and other grandma thing. I didn't want them to feel left out or that I was abandoning them for a new family. I dunno if that makes sense but hey.

For my cousin and her hubby...
I made them two balls, two pictures on each. One with the first dance pictures, and one with pictures outside the church.

Decided to make one for my uncle too. One ball, four pictures.

 I also made ornaments for someone else. But because its not Christmas yet, they haven't seen them and I can't post those pictures. ;)

Ok well I can post this one...

The blue one is actually pictured above. The one with my Busia and I.

Thursday, December 13, 2012


Well I'm just sitting here waiting for the hobbit to start. I have an hour to go and no one is here. Ok I think there's 2 other people in the theater. Whatever. I'm excited. I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow but I don't care.

- I'm feeling better since my last post. That same day actually. I was just moody I think. But I had to get it out there anyway.

-I've been slowly working on my tree. I had to delete a large branch. Which sucked. The people are still in my tree somehow and I still get hints on them. It shows me there's no relationship path. Yet I still get hints. Mmm Kay. But anyway idk if I wrote about those people. They're on my dads side. I just kinda went with the hints I was getting. That's how they ended up there. It was before I met my grandma so now I know the real ppl I had to put in there.

- I'll talk about those people eventually I guess. We'll see.

- oh did I mention my dad and I are going to FaceTime Xmas morning? I think I did. That will be fun. I can't wait!

-I'm just rambling now. I only wasted 7 minutes. A few more people trickled in. Think we have a total of  7 people in here now lol.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012


*note* Part of this post might be fueled by female hormonal stuff that involved hatred of all men.

I've said before that I'm not angry at my dad for not being there. Mostly I'm not. But deep down there's this little person inside that likes to remind me of the little things that I usually do not dwell on. She is a angry and jealous little person. And she's itching to get out this morning. I don't know if writing will help me feel better or if it will make my day worse. Its rather early and I should be getting ready for work.

When I was younger I had some feelings of anger towards him. Rightly so. Towards the end of the year there was usually a school project that involved Father's day. I had to do the stupid little craft. Had no one to give it to. Kids occasionally asked and I had to explain I don't have a dad. They would say well you have to have one and I would say well I don't. Then all of the kids had both parents at their sports games. I had my mom and grandparents. And that was fine. But he should've been there..

He should've been at my art shows. My graduations. Sports games. Should've been there while I was getting ready for Homecoming and Prom. He should've been there when I was sick. Should've been there on birthdays and Christmases. He should've been there. He should've had to deal with little kid temper tantrums and teenage drama. He should've been there when I was growing up. He wasn't. I didn't have the chance to be the cliche "daddy's girl".

I know he regrets not being there. As he should. I was fine with that.

Last night I was... not facebook stalking... How about we call it research. Yes. Research. I was just going through some of his pictures and saw him and a woman standing outside of a baseball... whats it called... stadium? (See I would have all this technical crap down if he was there to teach it to me) Anyway I looked at it and just instantly felt... probably closer to annoyance and jealousy than anger. I mean, why is he there with that woman? I dunno who she is. Could be a friend. Cousin. Girlfriend. Whatever. My thought is why is he there with her. It should be my mom and I. He should've taken ME to games. I don't like sports that much  but if he was around I might.

When we met for the first time and we were talking he mentioned (briefly) about going to some game of his (ex) girlfriend's kid. Ok so he dated someone with a kid... but didn't want to deal with me? I felt that stab immediately but hid it. I doubt he realizes that stuck with me.

The other day I was in Hallmark looking for Christmas cards. I got one for mom and grandparents... Then I looked at the "dad" and "grandma" section. I couldn't find anything that worked for me. They all said something to the effect "you've always been there for me" "wonderful dad" "when I was little". None of the cards applied to my situation. I had to get generalized cards for these people because they were never there until now.

I have similar feelings, perhaps on a smaller scale, towards his parents. His father is gone but his mother isn't. I had one set of grandparents. I should've had two.

I am thrilled that we're building a relationship after all of these years. Excited that we're going to FaceTime on Christmas morning.That he has plane tickets and he and my mom won't tell me so it will be a surprise. But I can't help feeling like this. It's normal I guess. I haven't talked to anyone who has been in a similar situation.

Clearly I have to figure out all of these feelings. That's just a taste of what I'm dealing with and thinking about this morning. I know I'll have to deal with it eventually. Both of us will. I also know nothing will change the past. You can't go back. What good would it even be to bring all of this up?

This is where I'm stopping for today. Must get ready for work. I know this isn't very organized but it's how my mind is flowing at the moment.

Until next time.